So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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