I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
