please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
