at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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