The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
