Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
