I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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