I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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