Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
