Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
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