Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize