Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
