"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
