And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
