could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
