I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
