We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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