Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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