The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
