my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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