fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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