How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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