and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
