Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
