i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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