Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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