last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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