I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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