Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
