I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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