Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
