my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
