laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
