I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
