UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize