how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Enjoy the penises
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
