Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
