If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
