its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
