Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
