I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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