So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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