I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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