is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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