She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
