I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
