when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
