I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
