chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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