Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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