I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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