I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
