Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
