Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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