I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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