Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
