If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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