My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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