Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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