Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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