is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
