you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
