i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
