I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
