areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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