okay pat passed out under dana's car
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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