Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
