so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
