Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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