I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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