I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize