i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
