Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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