I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
