first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
