Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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